Dear Santa

Yeah I am a believer. It's hard being a believer in today's world. So much persecution, so much! But my walk with Santa is strong. Despite the fact that letters to Santa still play a pivotal role in winter curriculum, and Christmas is the most important moment in the Western world, I am oppressed, daily. Every time I have to say "holidays" instead of Christmas, or pretend to care for one second about Kwanzaa, I die a little. Don't get me started with the Muslims, and how they won't eat at my Christmas party. I don't care if it is the month of holy fasting, drink some egg nog or get out of my apartment. Is that insensitive? Off track, the point is I'm a victim, every day.
But Santa, O Santa. What a kind kind soul. He gives me everything I ask. Every day I make it my goal to be as nice as possible. Naughtiness separates me from Santa, and that is the last thing I want to do. O Santa, he is like my big overweight Caucasian dad. Dressed in fiery flamboyant crimson. Sporting a threatening belt that says "YOU BETTA SHAPE UP!" just like papa. I know that my daddy-Santa loves me so much, wishes the nicest behavior for me, will give me everything on my list, and wants to hear every aspect of what is going on in my life. I love talking to Santa, and boy does he listen. In fact I think I want to talk to him right now.


Dear Santa,

The world is full of hardened hearts.

It is a dark world flooded with liars and false prophets

who claim you don't even exist. How do I get my presents

each Christmas morning? Infidels!

And besides, if Santa – you – weren't here, weren't real, weren't present

My mommy – mother would be liar

I believe in Christmas, the holiday almighty

And in Kris Kringle, his only Son, our Santa

Who was wed to Mrs. Claus, true Santa to true Santa

Who circles the globe all in one night

And on the third hour of the 26th day of December

Ascends back into the frigid north

And sitteth on the right hand of the work elves

Whence he cometh to judge the naughty and the nice.

And in Holy Sugar Plum Fairies

The North Pole

The reception of gifts

The resurrection of the spring.

Christmas everlasting.


Amen



by joseph schüpbach